This has been sitting around my desktop for a long time (I wrote it a month or so ago).

Source

NOTE: It is very important that you are familiar with Beyoncé’s song “If I were a boy” before reading this parody. If you’re not already familiar with it then:

1. You are pathetic
2. Listen to the song here: CLICKKKKKK

Done? Isn’t so good? So soothing? I don’t know my mom hates it because she thinks it sounds like hippie music but I honestly think that she has no clue what actual hippie music sounds like. Beyoncé is so not hippie. But I digress; now, for the feature presentation!

FYI: Yes, yes I know that it’s not like the lives of guys are all about girls guns gaming and fun and that guys have their own particular stresses too. I’m just exaggerating and satirizing the problems I find with being a girl. It’s nothing serious. I feel stupid for having to establish this first but I just KNOW that there will some UPPITY person who will read this and tell me that I am a bigot. And yes, I do realize that sometimes the syllables don’t quite fit with the beat but be a kind reader and deal. <3

IF I WERE A BOY – Jane remix

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I would sleep until 3
and never ever brush my teeth.

Play DOTA all night
And then switch back to WoW
Live off of ramen for a week
And barely ever leave my couch.

IF I WERE A BOYYYYY
I wouldn’t need to wear heels
And I would throw out all my stockings
Guys seriously don’t know how they feel.
I WOULDN’T HAVE CRAMPSSSSSS
There’d be no make up for me
I wouldn’t have to wear mascara
And just wear what I wanna
Cuz no one would be judging me

If I were a boy
I wouldn’t need to be fake
I could just be straight up
And ignore all the people I hate.

No need to worry
About the size on the jeans
And who cares if I’m a 2
A 5 or 6 or 9 or a 3. (A THREEEEE)

IF I WERE A BOYYYYYY
I wouldn’t give a rat’s a**
About if I looked cute enough for the
Guy in my biology class.
I WOULDN’T BE SCAREDDDD
Of walking around all alone
Because the guy on the street
Who I bet is a damn creep
Wouldn’t ever follow me home.

No worries about
Never getting asked on a date
I could approach who I liked
There’d be no painful wait

Call me old-fashioned
But I think a girl should
Neverrrr askkk firsssssst…

But I’m just a girl…

And I can’t understand…(and I can’t understand, OHHHHHHH)

Why we backstab and deceive
And why we’re expected to dress prettily.
WE DON’T LISTEN TO EACH OTHERRR
And even if we do
We worry and overanalyze
This shouldn’t come as a big surprise
Honestly rather be a guy…

But I’m not a boy.

Thanks!

–JANE–